my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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