guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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