So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
