he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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