Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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