You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize