I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
