remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize