There was a lot of him and a little penis
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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