so that wasnt chicken after all
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
