It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
