Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize