I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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