haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
