I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
