My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
