you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
