John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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