I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
