So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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