Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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