I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
