I didn't shave. On purpose
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
