what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
