Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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