How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
