At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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