i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
