You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
