On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
