im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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