no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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