im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I deserve this hangover.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
