he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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