Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize