I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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