she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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