wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
