so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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