I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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