you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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