it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
