I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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