So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
