I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
