Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I won the penis lottery.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
