Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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