Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
