were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
