it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
