if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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