chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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