six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
