Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
