wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize