Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize