My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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