Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
