He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
