Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
