After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
