Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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