Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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