Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
