I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
