sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
