I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
