I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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