Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
