Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Let's get the cat blown out
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
