I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
