i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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