yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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