I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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