So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
