You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
