Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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