just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
