boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
