So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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