This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
