I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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