i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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