in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
