I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You need a sexual gate keeper
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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