I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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