im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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