Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
