I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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