he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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