THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
