yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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