dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
