Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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