i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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