This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
