Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
