Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize