Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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